Numb
by gayngel
Summary: Sebastian tried; he really did. He tried to keep things to himself. He tried not to fuck things up. But he couldn't help it. He couldn't help hurting over a boy who paid him no attention. He couldn't help but want a way out. He couldn't help but take that way out. Trigger warning for suicide.


**AN: This was written at three in the morning so I apologize if there's any words missing or anything. D:**

Sebastian let out a choked sob as he clutched the edges of the sing, knuckles turning white from the force. He wasn't usually one to find himself in a situation like this; one where it felt like there was only one way out; one where it felt like he had no choice. But, here he was; standing in his dorm bathroom, staring at his reflection; searching for a reason. He didn't understand. What was wrong with him? Was it how he looked? His personality? Because he could change that. He'd change everything for Blaine. He'd become a whole new person if that's what Blaine wanted. But Blaine wouldn't even notice him. Fleeting kisses on foreheads, cheeks and noses had been passed off as playful and friendly. "I love you"'s had been whispered into the darkness long after Blaine had fallen asleep and it wasn't fair. All Sebastian ever did was be a friend to Blaine. All he wanted was to be something more than that. But he'd been pushed aside; forgotten. Not even Blaine wanted to talk to Sebastian anymore. He was too busy searching for a way to get Kurt back, and that really hurt Sebastian. Sebastian had been there when they'd broke things off. Sebastian had been there when Blaine felt like McKinley didn't want him. Sebastian had been there for Blaine. He would always be there. And the only thanks he got was Blaine's continued attempts at winning back Kurt. And he was sick of it. Every day he'd wake up and think "Maybe today!". Every day he'd progress through the day feeling number with every passing moment. The feeling was somewhat familiar. He'd lie awake at night long after Hunter had fallen asleep and just cry as memories flashed before him. Memories of hearing his mother's voice for the last time, memories of seeing her mangled corpse on the front page of the newspaper, memories of watching his brother take his last breath, memories of Patrick, memories of his father inflicting the scars that now littered his back; memories of Blaine. Everything hurt. The more he tried to distract himself, the more it hurt. He had no one. No one wanted to talk to him, and he couldn't even find it in himself to blame them. He got it. Who would want to hang out with a guy with a god complex? But he'd just had enough of everything. All the pain; the feelings. He needed a way out and he'd try everything to take that way out.

Hands scrabbled at cupboard doors and curled around a small bottle of anti-depressants. He'd stopped taking them after Blaine came back. He didn't think he needed them. Maybe he'd make up for the lost time now. His hands shook as he unscrewed the cap and tipped the pills into his hands. Breath coming in shallow gasps, Sebastian raised the shaking hands to his mouth and tipped the pills in; forcing them down with a harsh swallow. A small choking sound escaped from his lips and he sniffed loudly. Not long now. The boy grabbed his razor from beside the sink, lip quivering. _Just to be sure. _He told himself as he forced his sleeve up; sucking in a sharp breath before the blinding pain of metal slicing through skin grabbed hold of him and memories flashed in his head. The razor bit at the skin on his other wrist; digging deep and drawing a small, broken sob from his lips. His hand went slack and the razor fell from his grasp. Blood was beginning to pool in his curled hand and he was beginning to feel like he was floating. It was a nice sensation; fuzzy, almost. It made him feel warm and like someone was hugging him. He found himself stumbling out of the bathroom and onto his bed, collapsing onto the white sheets with a small smile playing on his lips. Everything felt good again. If he was dying, then he didn't want to be saved. He could see Blaine's face. His sweet, angelic face. Sebastian frowned. His angel was crying. Why was he crying? Angels weren't supposed to cry. A tear splashed onto his cheek as Blaine cried out in his soft voice, "No, Sebastian, please. You gotta wake up. Can you hear me?" Sebastian wanted to reach out; to hold his angel and tell him that everything was okay. He was here now and everything finally felt right. But his angel was slipping away from him; fading into the growing darkness and Sebastian felt himself panicking. Blaine couldn't go. He couldn't leave him. "Blaine!" His voice sounded strangled as he called out to his angel, but the darkness had swallowed everything now and Sebastian was gone.


End file.
